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Bantricky
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Interests: culture, music, guitar, clowns, books, dreams, humor, intelligence, stories, comedy, movies, rugby, pool, learning, sarcasm, star trek, travelling, wrestling, computers, fishing, camping, WoW, clothes, fashion, jewlery, belly dancing, photography, painting, quantum physics and so on.
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Member Since:
2/18/2005
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| I've Moved!Yes, it's been FOREVER.
But I have a good reason, I promise. I have made some life changing decisions and I've written all about it... on my new blog. Maybe there's someone here who still remembers me and would be interested in reading all about it, maybe even signing up and commenting.
Maybe I will link them to my blog to produce more traffic.
Anyway. I truly hope all of you are well. Believe it or not, I've read your blogs every day since I've been in the shadows. Once you read my blog, you'll understand why I haven't been my usual talkative/commenting self.
It's not pretty visually because I mainly kept it to help me stay sane through certain events. A little later, maybe I will change it to make it more appealing.
Without further delay:
http://bantrix.dehumanized.org
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| People say the dating game is difficult and there are millions of single people putting themselves out there to meet the perfect man or woman and trying anything from dying their hair, taking courses, buying new wardrobes and signing up on online sites just so they can be that much more available for when fate draws them to their soul mate.
I've been happily married for over a year now. I have only recently remembered how difficult it was to get a date, go through the first date, weed through the freaks, liars, cheaters and to sit there inbetween the musical chairs of dates wondering when fate was going to present me with "the one".
I was lucky to have found him at such a young age and to not have to go through the torture of hurt and frustration by hooking up with incapatable men until my 30s or beyond. I am happy with Robert and I know that there are some people who envy my marraige and the love that we have for each other. However, there is one thing that I envy most single people out there. Friends.
It is easier to develope friendships with people when you're single and young because you share a common bond with each other. You're single, young, and are usually drawn together due to the common goal of finding the love of your life. Especially with women, it's simple to find an ally when you put yourself in the same situations in order to meet men and discover each other when you've both been stood up and are sitting beside each other in some dirty bar. Awkward conversation ensues and suddenly you find each other having a date together bitching about men and swearing that you will never agree to a blind date again. While it's easier to meet female friends when you're single, it's difficult to keep them because there's always competition on who gets the guy, who is more attractive, and who will be the first to say, "I'm sorry, I can't hang out with you today because I have a date with..."
When you're married, the likelihood of meeting a woman, let alone a woman who wants to be friends with you, is slim to nil. Why? When you're 24 and happily married, you might as well be 40 with 4 kids trying to party with 21 year olds until 10 pm when you have to pay and drive home the 15 year old babysitter who has a curfew. There is no common ground for friendship to begin because I can no longer relate to the struggle of singlehood, casual sex, and bad dates. And because I'm only 24 years old, many married women are a lot older than me with kids and I can't relate to them either. Having moved to a different country, friends that I did have back home have now gone their separate way. It's easier to keep a long distance relationship with a man because it's temporary. With friends, you never know when you'll be back if ever, so what's the point? It's interesting and sometimes sad how quick we are to drop everything for the possibility of a long-term relationship with a man, but not the other way around with a friend.
It's even more difficult to be friends with men because when you're single, there's sexual tension, flirtation, or you're being used to introduce them to your single friends. When you're married, you're completely off territory. In fact, you might as well be an alien with three heads, four breasts, and two asses. They are terrified of pissing off the husband or that people will assume we're fucking. It's too much drama for them to even be crazy enough to try it.
Can two women or a man and a woman date each other as friends? If so, how? I've always been too open , honest, and direct. I have swallowed my pride and asked females and males to hang out with me. I've asked if they would be interested in trying to be friends. I know that for some reason, I scare the shit out of them when I do that. I'm a loser and a freak because I was the one that "tried too hard" just by simply extending the invitation. Robert has said to me that you can't do that, that friendship has to just happen. But I've gone with the flow for so long and nothing has ever developed.
I've had my fair share of bad friend dates. When I think of my earlier statement that I recently remembered how difficult it was to date men, I realize that it's not at all different to making friends. I have to weed through the freaks, the liars, the users, and inbetween the musical chairs of potential friendships, I'm frustrated.
I know it's possible for the opposite sex to be friends and I know there are females who are close friends with each other and have been for years. While my life is filled with happiness with Robert and I know he will always be my best friend, I do feel like something is missing. While I sit here and think about how I'm going to head out to World Market, I wish I had a friend to take with me.
So here I go again, putting myself out there and looking for a date with a friend. Maybe I'll get lucky and score.
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| I know it's been a while, and much has happened since my last post. I've still been very busy with life and haven't had the motivation to update this. I also feel guilty for neglecting everyone, but here I begin a new post with my tail between my legs. I hope you are all well and thank you for sticking with me!
To update my previous post, I tried to push aside my feelings of jealousy to pursue a friendship with my Romanian neighbour. I invited her out to dinner a couple of times, offered to show her around, and spent many nights at her place smoking cigarettes and chatting.
Unfortunately, it's not working out well for me. I promise, it has nothing to do with my initial jealousy of her. Allow me to explain.
Knowing that she is new to the country/city with no one around, I had no problems helping her out financially and with groceries. I've bought her groceries, loaned her money, had my husband set up her computer for her so that she could leach off our internet until she got stable financially, given her packs of cigarettes, given her food, drinks, let her use our microwave whenever she wanted, ny husband would drive her places, and the list goes on and on.
While I had no problem helping her and doing these things, I started to feel like maybe I was getting used. Why? Because anytime we did get together to go anywhere, she would ditch me half-way through to go out with a guy. Or she would cancel our plans all together for something better to do. Also, she would claim she only had 30 dollars left to her name, yet she would purchase cable (which she really can't afford right now), or she would buy a microwave, paintings, curtains, etc. All of these things were things she did not NEED. But doubting myself due to that initial reaction of jealousy, I kept my annoyance to myself thinking it was my problem.
Then she became annoying in that she would call 6-8 times a night within a 5 hour period. Many times she would just hang up and redial. If I don't answer the phone and let the machine pick up, you better believe that I'm busy or just want to be alone. Busy as in.. my husband and I making love, or taking a shower, or taking a shit, or just watching tv and trying to unwind. And of course, everytime I called her back after feeling gulty hearing messages like <whine> "I haven't heard from you in days! Are you still alive? What's wrong?" she would then ask to borrow money or to use our microwave or something. It's never for my company alone, there's always something she needs done. And god forbid if you say "I'm sorry, but I can't do that right now, money is tight" or "I'm really tired tonight, can we do it another time?" because then I hear more whining and little snide comments that makes me go over there to put up with her crap just so she'll stop calling.
Getting the idea that I'm a bit of a pushover? Yes. Anyway, everyone has flaws, we all know this. But some people have flaws that you just cannot live with. She treats men like crap, uses them, is extremely needy and, for lack of a better term, an attention whore. This girl, in the month I've known her, has seen up to roughly 20 men. That's not the problem. She claims she's looking for that special someone to marry someday, yet she'll tell me about these men she's dating and what she doesn't like about them. For example, "He's a really nice guy and he's taken me out to dinner and given me free furniture, but he has really bad teeth.. then again, that can be fixed." Or "he's great but he doesn't match his shoes with his pants!" You get the idea, very shallow. So she'll use these men for money or gifts or whatever, and then dump them. I can't stand people like this. If things don't go her way, she whines a lot. I also feel really bad about a co-worker she dated, who bought her things, treated her like gold, and she claimed she was falling in love with him. One night, she tells me they had sex. She then laughs and laughs with tears falling down her face saying it was the worst sex she ever had. Apparently his penis is so small, she couldn't feel anything and he didn't know how to move. So I said "Well, maybe he was a virgin and was too shy to tell you. Can't you just teach him?" Thinking that she's so in love with him, this was a good solution. She replies, "Are you kidding me? I can't live with a man who has a small dick! I just can't do it!" So then she tells me she told her boss (who set them up on the first date) and her boss, being a loud mouth, told all their co-workers. So now this poor guy's co-workers are nick naming him pencil-dick. It just disgusts me.
Another example. She has very little money working a job making 12 dollars an hour. We had planned to take a driving course together this summer, but she ditched me to do it with a guy. She proceeds to tell me her plans of buying a car. I try to explain to her that she cannot get a loan as she has BAD credit because she doesn't budget her money wisely and owes money on phone bills. I suggest to her that she buys a used car until she can save her money for a new one. Of course she doesn't listen to me and goes off with a guy to look into buying a brand new Kia. The same day we had plans for me to take her out and show her places within walking distance because she refuses to go alone for some reason. Anyway, she calls me that afternoon in tears and super whiney. She was trying to hint at me to co-sign on her loan, but I wasn't falling for that. The worst is that she said,
"NO ONE WILL GIVE ME A LOAN! I HATE AMERICA! NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE TERRORISTS! I'M GOING TO BE A TERRORIST!" I was so disgusted that I wanted to walk over to her apartment and punch her in the nose. What a selfish, spoiled princess bitch.
Why haven't I ended this yet? For one, I don't want to make enemies with my neighbour. I know how that could go down. Secondly, she recently gave me a pearl necklace for my Birthday (June 26th), and that has made me feel guilty. Thirdly, I'm a pussy. I don't know how to be mean to people.
On another note, it was mine and Robert's 1 year wedding anniversary on June 13th. As a gift to ourselves, we combined our money and bought a 37 inch HDTV. It's AMAZING! We're very proud of it. Next big purchase on the list is a new bedroom set with a new bed.
I've been experiencing some drama with co-workers at my job. It's a looong story, but I've decided to stick to myself and to stop being used (again) and treated like crap due to jealousy. Isn't it funny how things turn out? Maybe it's karma biting me in the ass, but regardless, I am still kicking ass at what I do and my bosses recognize it, so that's all that matters.
We recently discovered that someone tried to break into our apartment. Thank God they failed, but I took it serious enough that after I had maintenance come to repair the locks and the door, I contacted head of security. I must have seemed really pissed because the next day there were 6 security guards patrolling around our unit. I also noticed that there were pieces of clear tape attached to the frame on some of the doors. I mentioned it to head of security that it looked like the thieves were marking which apartments to hit. Apparently they patrolled around the area and discovered these pieces of tape all over the village. Hopefully the thieves have given up, but it was funny to have security calling ME with updates on what they were doing about the problem.
I purchased a Beta fish today. I don't know why, but today at work I decided to buy a fish. The poor little guy is a bit traumatized from the move, but I bought real water plants for his tank, and hopefully he will forgive me for ironically cooking fish for dinner tonight. I've named him Fu Man Chu. I'm a little concerned that he's not swimming around and just staying at the top gulping for air, but I don't know what else to do. I've put the special cleaning fluid in his water, I've fed him, set up the plants, etc. I hope he adjusts okay.
Lastly, and most importantly, I had my immigration interview on Saturday.
I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR MY GREEN CARD!
After all this time, FINALLY, some closure. It's only a conditional permanent residency card, so in two years I will have to apply for permanent residency or citizenship, but at least it's a two year break and I've been told that as long as I don't break any laws, which I won't of course, applying for the rest will be a piece of cake.
Edit:
I've bought two new outfits, one of which I can maybe get away with in public, but the other, not so much. I post this for one simple reason. If I hear one more girl tell me how they wish they had bigger boobs, I'm going to kick them in the teeth. Why? Because big boobs prevent you from wearing sexy shirts that girls with smaller boobs can get away with all the time. Without looking like they should audition for a porn movie called Back Door Sluts 9. I tried naturally drying my hair (it is wavey) instead of blow-drying it straight, but I'm not sure if I like it.
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| This week end was great. Robert and I finally bought our wedding bands and they're beautiful. I'm so glad I was able to foot the bill for both of them as it meant a lot to me considering Robert has paid so much for so long during this whole immigration process. We're both really happy with our unique rings. Maybe I'll update with pictures another time.
Aside from shopping around for our rings and briefly hanging out at a bar with our friend James, we just relaxed and took it easy.
Sunday night, however, was interesting. We received a knock at our door at around 9:00 pm, which is very unusual. It's so quiet here and I thought maybe it was James stopping by. Robert answered the door to be greeted by a female with a heavy accent. I couldn't quite place it. Turns out she's our new neighbour from Romania (only been in the U.S. for two months), and wanted to introduce herself with the hope of making new friends. She's completely alone here. Anyway, we chatted a bit and I made plans to hang out with her today after 2:00 pm.
She came by at 2:00 on the dot and we hung out all day until about 8:30 pm. We have a lot in common and it's interesting to converse with someone from a completely different culture. There are things that fascinate us about each other. I thought it was amazing that she didn't know what a dish washer was and I had to teach her how to use it. Or how she is an amazing cook and introduced me to wonderful Romanian food (stu and soup) that she had made from scratch. It was delicious and she promises to teach me how to cook Romanian food.
We got along very well and Robert was kind enough to help her set up her computer for her so she had something to do. The poor girl has barely any furniture in her apartment. She has an outdoor patio set, an air mattress on the floor, a computer/computer desk, and that's about it. She must have been dying from boredom the past little while staring at the walls. She's getting furniture this week though apparently so that's good.
Anyway, she's going through a lot of hardships trying to settle in the U.S. and keeping up with her new job and learning how to manage her money and how to use a bank machine, etc. She is a lot like me in that she's very warm and friendly and has had similar difficulties trying to adjust to such a cold city filled with snobby assholes. It was very refreshing to be around her. I think Robert really likes her too which is good because most of the time other women annoy the shit out of him.
I will be honest, she's an EXTREMELY beautiful woman. She's exactly what I wish I could look like. Within the first minute of meeting her I had feelings of jealousy and awkwardness around her because I have very low self esteem and confidence and felt like whenever I stood next to her, I looked like a big fat clumsy baboon. I forced myself to stop turning into a judgemental bitch like everyone else in this city and to swallow my pride and give this a try. I'm glad I did because already we've become good friends.
I am ashamed at my initial reaction and thoughts and feelings because it's not fair to other girls for me to judge them right off the bat like that, and if I'm honest, I don't LIKE being jealous. In fact, it makes me feel horrible inside and I don't know why I do this. Sure, I'm not gorgeous nor do I have a nice body, but I'm certainly not ugly. On good days, I think I'm pretty cute. So why do I beat myself up so much? In the end it's only me punishing myself. This is something I need to seriously work on.
Anyway, today was a good day and all together a great week end. I wish it didn't go by so fast.
I hope you all had a wonderful week end and I hope that you all remembered the brave people who died in order for us to celebrate this time in happiness and freedom.
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