| | People say the dating game is difficult and there are millions of single people putting themselves out there to meet the perfect man or woman and trying anything from dying their hair, taking courses, buying new wardrobes and signing up on online sites just so they can be that much more available for when fate draws them to their soul mate.
I've been happily married for over a year now. I have only recently remembered how difficult it was to get a date, go through the first date, weed through the freaks, liars, cheaters and to sit there inbetween the musical chairs of dates wondering when fate was going to present me with "the one".
I was lucky to have found him at such a young age and to not have to go through the torture of hurt and frustration by hooking up with incapatable men until my 30s or beyond. I am happy with Robert and I know that there are some people who envy my marraige and the love that we have for each other. However, there is one thing that I envy most single people out there. Friends.
It is easier to develope friendships with people when you're single and young because you share a common bond with each other. You're single, young, and are usually drawn together due to the common goal of finding the love of your life. Especially with women, it's simple to find an ally when you put yourself in the same situations in order to meet men and discover each other when you've both been stood up and are sitting beside each other in some dirty bar. Awkward conversation ensues and suddenly you find each other having a date together bitching about men and swearing that you will never agree to a blind date again. While it's easier to meet female friends when you're single, it's difficult to keep them because there's always competition on who gets the guy, who is more attractive, and who will be the first to say, "I'm sorry, I can't hang out with you today because I have a date with..."
When you're married, the likelihood of meeting a woman, let alone a woman who wants to be friends with you, is slim to nil. Why? When you're 24 and happily married, you might as well be 40 with 4 kids trying to party with 21 year olds until 10 pm when you have to pay and drive home the 15 year old babysitter who has a curfew. There is no common ground for friendship to begin because I can no longer relate to the struggle of singlehood, casual sex, and bad dates. And because I'm only 24 years old, many married women are a lot older than me with kids and I can't relate to them either. Having moved to a different country, friends that I did have back home have now gone their separate way. It's easier to keep a long distance relationship with a man because it's temporary. With friends, you never know when you'll be back if ever, so what's the point? It's interesting and sometimes sad how quick we are to drop everything for the possibility of a long-term relationship with a man, but not the other way around with a friend.
It's even more difficult to be friends with men because when you're single, there's sexual tension, flirtation, or you're being used to introduce them to your single friends. When you're married, you're completely off territory. In fact, you might as well be an alien with three heads, four breasts, and two asses. They are terrified of pissing off the husband or that people will assume we're fucking. It's too much drama for them to even be crazy enough to try it.
Can two women or a man and a woman date each other as friends? If so, how? I've always been too open , honest, and direct. I have swallowed my pride and asked females and males to hang out with me. I've asked if they would be interested in trying to be friends. I know that for some reason, I scare the shit out of them when I do that. I'm a loser and a freak because I was the one that "tried too hard" just by simply extending the invitation. Robert has said to me that you can't do that, that friendship has to just happen. But I've gone with the flow for so long and nothing has ever developed.
I've had my fair share of bad friend dates. When I think of my earlier statement that I recently remembered how difficult it was to date men, I realize that it's not at all different to making friends. I have to weed through the freaks, the liars, the users, and inbetween the musical chairs of potential friendships, I'm frustrated.
I know it's possible for the opposite sex to be friends and I know there are females who are close friends with each other and have been for years. While my life is filled with happiness with Robert and I know he will always be my best friend, I do feel like something is missing. While I sit here and think about how I'm going to head out to World Market, I wish I had a friend to take with me.
So here I go again, putting myself out there and looking for a date with a friend. Maybe I'll get lucky and score.
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| | Posted 9/2/2006 4:50 PM - 27 Views - 8 eProps - 4 comments
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